Look what the mouse rolled in
Hey, you found the bio (or hacked the directory). Congrats. Here's more Grrr-info than you'll ever need, and less than could be told. Now you can
with halfway decent aim. No mud-slinging or personal attacks are needed or wanted, thanks just the same.
Friendly animals are welcome to put yer feet up, grab this here ashtray if you want, and lemme know how you take yer coffee...
I updated this on 16-Nov-2016 (or started to!). Okay, then. Here we go.
|God's go-fer||twelve-stepping lop||sound/word/image guy||rookie skydiverrrrrr||fan of rats and rabbits|
|clueless loner||dazed fiftysomething||sometime jock and vegetarian||XFMC / Michigander expatriate||former (?) worker bee|
Christian - Yep. But don't assume, bub. You don't know me.
In the events following 9-11 and the shock this past Election Day, I have more and more motivation to find a different word. This is not at all about feeling I'm better than evangelicals and dogmatic Christians. I don't understand the extraordinarily different takes we have on clear Bible verses and foundational truths. Could well be my misunderstanding, but I want nothing to do with nearly any denomination. Torture is not possibly of God, fetuses are not babies, visitors and strangers are not to be vilified and cast out - to say nothing about the millions upon millions of American citizens that have been threatened with deportation... and electing a liar of mind-boggling frequency is not a righteous move because the end-game is hoped to be "more holy." I will have to see a lot more love, peace and joy from my peers before I use the word "Christian" about myself with any ease.
Kindly hop on down to the (dated) tirade at the bottom of this page if you're terminally curious. Live and let live, sez Grrr. Nix on blanket statements... or clawing the host.
Drugless - and not because of any virtue or responsibility on my part, heh. Grrr was one desperate little cuss in late '85. Hadda give it up, myself.
What you do on your own time, is on you. If you're an adult-type person, and you're not a thief or a bully, well hey. Humans have sought out inebriation and solid mood-altering since we started hanging out in loose tribes. You might do stuff I can't or won't do (uh, anymore), but that certainly doesn't mean your preferences should be outlawed or looked down upon. Choices brings consequences to us all... including cruel or thoroughly stupid choices in order to get "what we want."
Turns out there is life after unreality - and some primo humans around, too. Still an active
[Your_Compulsion_Here] Anonymous type guy. There is a way out, slick. More than one that might work, though the Steps and a bunch of communication with like-minded folks worked better for me than I ever expected. YMMV.
Lest ya think I think I'm better-than-thou, lemme add that Grrr still hasn't given up sugar and caffeine and, uh, nicotine. (I know, I know...)
Mateless (and here I expected to be a grandpa by now. Coming to in this era is swell, ain't it?) It's hard to resist the pull of that ol' weird-Uncle-Grrr vortex. (Why, four nieces and two nephews, thanks loads for asking.) Been around the block a few times, but not nearly as many as some.
The goal of honesty sorta forces me to add another point. Early sex researchers didn't find heterosexuality to be "binary." Few people are 100% straight or 100% gay. While I had early instruction from a fundamentalist church - which was the only one within walking distance, and make of that what you will - my history of remaining "chaste" enabled me to miss out on a lot of mistakes, and probably a metric ton of pleasure too.
As I've gotten to know more non-straight people, from being a "buddy" for AIDS foundation clients to now... it's clearer to me than ever that I'm not an unequivocal het. Other events made it, uh, safer to refrain from indulging, b-but I'm not made of stone.
Excessively creative; certifiably obscure; piddling in all media and mastering none. You may have gathered Grrr was a principal drone in a multiple-media farm... writing scripts and articles, tunes, stories, novels... and so on, and so on.
Planning to start a blog in December 2016, so that more eyeballs will have another way to see the stellar writing and art of folks I've known for yeeeeears.
Too... "young" to be this old. As my little brother pointed out, "mid-[to-late-]thirties" sounded a lot worse than "early thirties" - and now I'm well on the wrong side of 50 anyway. Born in 1962, of course.
Running does wonders, but I slouch... and there's, uh, settling. Vanity or fear or something (oh yeah, the endorphin buzz, can't forget that. Whoo hooooo) gets me back into the weight room. In great health despite myself, if you know what I mean and I think you do. I am not taking this for granted, nossir.
Grrr's also a hypocritical vegetarian who sometimes gnaws on creatures that are smaller than his head. The official "honorary vegetable", pepperoni, is the most glaring example.
Kindly see the "Updated" note in the next section. I was in maybe the best shape I'd ever been in, if you overlook the cigarettes... and now the challenge continues, day to day. Doing more walking now than I've ever done, and with some work I could beat the odds and get about as beefy as I was almost 14 months ago.
X-Factor scooter tramps put up with this clueless li'l shadow on their tails, got his butt on a real mo'cycle and his eyes open to living without drugs, booze or the... auto-herd instinct. They rolled out of Mad Heights, MI and another place or two. Grrr owes 'em much. They patched me, probably more as a mascot than anything. Maybe someday I'll get to become a real biker.
Updated, to add... Be careful what you wish for. Dawg-gawn.
On September 21, 2015 I was a biker, technically, since I had moved from mainly riding to only riding, with no other vehicle for awhile. I was working construction, on my way to work. For the second time in five years, a pickup truck turned right to exit the road - from the number-two lane. This one had to stop for a pedestrian. I didn't even have time to brake, according to witnesses. Hit the truck, tore my helmet off, and slammed hard into the bed wall.
I've recovered almost completely, with a few "deficits" that are relatively minor now IMHO. While I was getting resigned to a couple more decades without a lovey-dovey relationship with God, instead I've seen a few dozen crazy coincidences that have almost always gone in my favor. It is not my expectation or my doing, and since the end of 2015 I've been unable to shake the idea that God must have work for me to do yet. There would be no other reason, if mercy is a hallmark of "righteousness," for me to have this bonus time. Again. More will follow, in chunks on the blog and probably in, uh, my first non-fiction book...
First, I've gotta hunt down a couple of XFMC'ers and their soulmates in California, let 'em hear the news and touch my arm to confirm I'm still taking up space on Terra, and so on.
Bosses could've done better, and a whole lot worse.
My resumé was linked above. At the moment I'm on SSDI, and being "permanently disabled" is what I've been told to accept. At this moment I have at least one more surgery coming, and maybe a second or third... so we shall see.
Aaaah, there's some web stuff I was way behind on, uh, modernizing anyway.
Grrr's Spiritual Tirade
Aw sheeee-it, he's a Jesus freak!?!
Uh-huh. That ol' crutch, panacea, delusion, fairy-tale, mindkiller... etc. Humor me a li'l bit longer, okay? I bet there's some common ground.
I got a problem with unthinking moo-cow citizens and plastic, smug-sounding, better-than-you suits. (Talkin' here about what I hope is the (sizable) minority of normies... and I'll even remind myself that smugness is about as universal to humans as body odor... alright, okay, anything 'domestic' is uncomfortable, but that's me...) Especially those icy snobs who make snap judgments based on, say, scruffiness and tats. Oblivious, clueless, sneakily hostile... And I don't know if it's some kind of allergy or what, but I got this history that tells me there's a higher concentration of these self-appointed judges inside (American) churches than there are outside. I could be wrong. It wouldn't be
a new thing.
All this to say... despite the existence of some thieves and charlatans and wolves and perverts and pretentious snobs, I keep reading the Bible anyway and do my best, day to day, to do what it says. Life goes better for me when I do this. (But not "simpler" - though your actual mileage may vary - it's more of a challenge than ever, to be me while belonging more and more to Somebody Else. It is instinctively satisfying to my innards in ways unlike the utterly empty grin of Void, or the ravenous, translucent Self ~ the pantheistic and/or naturalistic beliefs I had doggedly tried to embrace. But I digress.)
I have a brain. It gets all achy sometimes from trying to make sense of things that are incomprehensible (superhuman love and patience; the inexhaustability of human cruelty; "offering" seeds that will not grow without a chemical that is made by a corporation being added to them; what she really meant by that). What else but colossal arrogance would lead me to believe I'm gonna get an unimpeachable headlock on every intangible concept I come across? Not everything can be comprehended by everybody. Seeking knowledge is a must - but I will not grasp some facts right away (or, as it turns out, after thirty years. Imagine that.) no matter how hard I try. I didn't even get to choose what natural talents I have, and the biochemistry of my brain continues to put up a fight. To expect that I will or even should understand all things material and immaterial is lunacy. Presumptious. Everybody has their limits (and their blind spots). Babies do not understand what adults understand. Few neurosurgeons know all the nuances of roofing. The world-view of an ant is different than mine. (And, buddy, if I'm begging the question or twisting the logic, I'd welcome an pointed this way.)
Faith and belief are "arational". My history is chock-full of intangible, subjective, maybe even emotional experiences that were not desired or expected. Logic did not come to the rescue, nor could it; it was never meant to. By now, I'm convinced there is more to us than just the chemical reactions that result in perception, memory and cognition. The "extrasensual" cannot be addressed with intellect alone, because intellect is "way out of its element". That's like trying to smell with my eyeballs.
While it's nice to be liked, everyone will not like me... so I'm gonna stick to my guns. That will piss off some potential compadré. I don't like it, but that's the way it is. Grrr believes in the existence of absolute truth. Without a few facts being constant and unchanging, I don't see how any subsequent fact can be trusted (if "truth is relative," then how could that phrase itself be relied upon?). My understanding, explanation or application may be incorrect ("may" be - nyah hah hah) but some things must remain true for every animal in every age.
Does "anti-Objectivism" exist? If not, maybe it's time to invent it. Ayn Rand is a novelist. But from here, it looks like us Amaeruhkins live in a society which is upshifting even as the end of the cul-de-sac gets closer and closer, thanks in no small part to selfishness. Grrr's given up on seizing his bliss at the expense of yours.
Love is expressed in action or, if you prefer, results. Compassion creates fellowship. Service has brought me an enormous amount of relief. I have some truck with Ms. Rand on one thing, at least: no human being or social entity is responsible for my happiness, except me. Beyond that, uh... well...
Absolute truth is never contradictory. (Perception lies like a dog.)
Now, c'mon, you chose to read this. There's nobody else to blame. Thoughful e-mails are always welcome here.
Thanks for sticking it out.
Now, if you wanna go back to where you were, pre-tirade...