Step 4    

It was once "suggested" to me, heh heh, that I might reduce my confusion about how to do a fourth step by going through the books and copying down all the questions that were asked and all the directions that were given (thanks, MEP). This list has since proven to be more confusing for some people... but here it is anyway.

And here I get to betray the "impure" nature of my recovery. My first exposure to the steps came from the "mother" fellowship with the Akron ties, so the items below can be found in the "Big Book" and "Twelve-by-Twelve". No copyright infringement or misrepresentation is intended (and I'm sure not profiting any). This is completely unofficial and unendorsed. 'Nuff said.

Spew e-mail at me and ask what you will... Definitely ain't no guru but I am the resident expert on my own E, S & H.

Emotional Insecurity   (worry, anger, self-pity, depression...)

Consider all personal relationships which bring continuous or recurring trouble.

Past and present, which sex situations have caused me anxiety, bitterness, frustration or depression?

Can I see where I have been at fault?

Did these perplexities beset me because of selfishness or unreasonable demands?

Or, if my disturbance was caused by others, why do I lack the ability to accept conditions I cannot change?

Resentments

List people, institutions, or principles with which I am angry.

Note why I am angry: my self-esteem, pocketbooks, ambitions, personal relationships (including sex).

Look at the list again - where have I been selfish... dishonest... self-seeking... frightened?

Review fears thoroughly - why do I have them?

• Pray for people with whom I am angry or fearful.
• Pray for removal of fear.
• Pray for God to mold sex ideal, and each relationship.

Sex

When, how and in what instances did my selfish pursuit of sex damage other people and myself?

    What people were hurt, and how badly?

Did I jeopardize my standing in the community?

How did I react to these situations at the time? Guilt? Or did I insist that I was the pursued and not the pursuer, and thus absolve myself?

How have I reacted to frustration in the matter? When denied, did I become vengeful or depressed?

Did I take it out on other people?
 

Reviewed my conduct:

• Where have I been selfish... disconsiderate... inconsiderate ?
• Whom have I hurt?
• Did I unjustifiably arouse jealousy... suspicion... bitterness ?
• Where was I at fault ?
• What should I have done instead ?

Try to shape a sane and sound ideal.

Subject each relationship to this test: was it selfish, or not?

Financial

Other than substance abuse, what character defects contribute to financial problems (instability)?

Did fear and inferiority about my future for my job fill me with conflict and destroy my confidence?

Did I cover up these feelings of inadequacy by bluffing? By cheating, lying or evading responsibility?

Did I overvalue myself and play the big shot?

Did I have such unprincipled ambition that I double-crossed my associates?

Was I extravagant?

Did I recklessly borrow money, caring little if it was repaid or not?

To what extent have my own mistakes fed my growing anxiety?

If the actions of others are to blame, what can I do about that?

If I am unable to change the present state of affairs, am I willing to take the measures necessary to shape my life to conditions?

When, how and in what instances did my selfish pursuit of financial security damage other people and myself?

    What people were hurt, and how badly?

Did I jeopardize my standing in the community?

How did I react to these situations at the time? Guilt? Or did I insist that I was the victim, and thus absolve myself?

How have I reacted to frustration in matters concerning financial security? When I did not feel financially secure, did I become vengeful or depressed?

Did I take it out on other people?
 

Reviewed my conduct:

• Where have I been selfish... disconsiderate... inconsiderate ?
• Whom have I hurt?
• Did I unjustifiably arouse jealousy... suspicion... bitterness ?
• Where was I at fault ?
• What should I have done instead ?

Try to shape a sane and sound ideal.

Subject each "financial relationship" to this test: was it selfish, or not?

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