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A lot of the references in here may be incomprehensible to non-12-step types. Ask and ye shall receive definitions.

red bullet  Premiering right here:

purple bullet  Stuff that ran in fellowship newsletters and magazines:

blue bullet   From 62 magazine:

Grrr's lame recovery cartoons

Anachro - other rantlets

modnaR setoN

© 62 magazine, October 1991

fake classified ads

These are my favorite fake personal ads I wrote for 62 magazine. Mike P., the publisher, shares the credit/blame. As with the popular fake display ads, the phone numbers and addresses were (duh) fictitious...

From Men

My higher power told me that if I am not engaged by Aug. 11 at 6:35 p.m., I will use my drug of choice. I'm not kidding. Age, race not important. Photo to Box 62, Snitrus Heights 96262

Retread, 29, iron pecs, wants aggressive, stern older F not into freedom from bondage to help my spiritual progression through the touchstone of pain. Rawhide, c/o Ipecac Farms Treatment Center, 6262 62nd, Galt 96262.

Devotee of foreign margarine containers seeks same... no, no, just joshing. 555-6262

My 4th step is on NY Times bestseller list (fiction). Seeking business-minded death-glam duchess to coordinate publicity tour. Cardiac blue eyes. B.F., (916) 555-FAKE

Kip Winger 2, abstinent, mundo muscle tone, chain-smoker, great teeth, needs MBA-type woman of color for... Box 6262, SF 96262

You know that wish list you made when you got clean? Well, what are you waiting for? Box 6262, El Centro 96262

Plumbline straight recently DM, 27, most definitely not looking for steady relationship/romance/marriage. Box 6262, Kyburz 96262

Soulful Nordic adventurer seeking Daisy Mae. If you have to ask, I can't explain. 555-FAKE


From Women

"M" is for the many things I do well. "E" is for effulgence, an adjective meaning "radiantly bright". Put them all together, they spell... "me". 555-6262 after 3 a.m.

30-ish nonconforming rebel in recovery. I have learned to get in touch with myself and seek a man who will do the same. Rugged individualists need not apply. O St., Lodi. 555-FAKE

Roommates looking for hunks of few words. We average 25 years old, weight 139, height 67", serum cholesterol 166, library cards 0.7 sum, support groups 2.4, bald tires 1.3, trips outside continental U.S. 4.4, immediate relatives with CDC records 0.4, chronic "frizzies" and/or split ends 5.0, golf handicap 10.3, obnoxious supervisors 3.8. Math skills a plus. PO Box 6262, Loomis, CA

I thrive on danger. Svelte, black/brown (semirigid gas permeable), class 'A' license. No nailbiters. B. Wihdoh, 6262 Narrow Ln., Penryn 96262

New to your planet, 5'10", 210, over 18, blonde/green, excellent night vision. Just returned from chemical tour of near-flung nebulas (inherited tidy sum), looking for patient Surfaris fan (to spend it on/with). Mouthbreathers need not apply. Box 62, Chicago Bar 96262.


Messages / announcements

Boycott all Mud Metropolis locations! Totally innocent trees were killed to make their "to go" cups! Carnage!

Flat Earth Anon Solistice Scramble 6/22, 4:41 a.m. - ?!?, Buttonwillow Convention Center. Tickets/Info: (209) 555-FAKE

It's a blelg, blelg, blelg, blelg world.

Mr. Invertebrate Mammal 1992 nominations now being accepted. RR1 Box 62, Drossland, CA 96262

one one one one one zero.

Gamete to Gamete encounter group forming Friday evenings, Short Sheet Inn, W. Sacto. Inquire for room number at desk.

Sponsee Abuse Hotline: (800) 555-6262. A service of your California Legislature.

Illusion, delusion, collusion, profusion. - Om Baby

Pompous Anonymous regional convention, "Let Me Tell You", has been rescheduled for March 20 - 22 (Pompanon gathering too). Info: 555-6262

Nothing could be finer than Paul McCartney's ATM card.

A little higher and over to the left.

X - Was it something we didn't say? - Anonanonanonymous

Support group for support group addicts has been postponed. Watch for details.

© 62 magazine 1991-1992

In the Sticks

A hawk is circling the lake. Maybe it's a hawk... black body, wings with brown feathers at the ends, about 3-4 foot wingspan. Big, easy circles - making these little wing corrections up or down. Showing off. It looks like a remote-control bird.
When the city is home - all you know - you can forget a place like this exists. Valleys and mountains and 10^6 trees (a rough estimate). Pebbles that look exactly like miniature boulders.
To paraphrase the old saying about your favorite program text: who put this out here?
Maybe, more cynically: how long can it last? Hardcore casual beauty. And they let people in here. Asphalt punks, Alkali rats. I am three years older than this lake, the reservoir's plaque says. But it's holding up fine, despite us.
Places like this used to be pipe dreams - a fantasy retreat to consider heading up to for some serious mood-altering. A fuzzy wish to be here, and not be here. It took too much effort to follow through. Why go this far into the hills when you can not be Here at home?
The biggest difference between now and then, the key factor that drags me out to the sticks this time, is recovering knotheads. They don't improve the scenery any, but they can get your eyes open, lure you into looking where they look. Ray-Bans of the soul.

© 62 magazine, October 1991


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