Ramblings 'bout recovery    

    from Grrr
 

A lot of the references in here may be incomprehensible to non-12-step types. Ask and ye shall receive definitions.

 Premiering right here:

• Talk the Walk (2001)
• Oooooooo (1999)
• You Don't Say (1999)
• Don't Be Cruel (1999)
• Unclean (1999)
• Future Fantasy (1999)
• Postlude (1999)
• Apples and... apples (1998)
• You must have regrets (1994)
• Higher personality (1993)
• Lookin' clean (1993)

 Stuff that ran in fellowship newsletters and magazines:

• Love Ya, D (10/99)
• Phone Tag (12/98)
• Anything (10/98)
• We tried to carry (9/89)
• Don't you point that finger at me (5/91)
• Notes on Recovery (8/90)
• TeleFON (10/90)
• Odds and ends (1990)
• YRAMIRP (7/91)
• Wish you were here (9/89)
• Hold yer horses (1989)
• Saving face (1989)
• When you say you are (1989)
• Tell Me Why (5/93)
• No more, no less (4/93)
• Your serve (4/93)
• No proper nouns (4/93)
• Stick around (1/93)
• Cover me (12/92)
• GYBR (11/92)
• It's working... (11/92)
• We too are one (11/92)
• Know what I mean? (1989)
• Dear WSO: (7/89)

  From 62 magazine:

• modnaR setoN (10/91)
• In the Sticks (10/91)
• Fake display ads (1991-92)
• Fake classified ads (1991-92)

Grrr's lame recovery cartoons

Anachro - other rantlets

modnaR setoN

• We hear from some ex-substance abusers that talking about their sordid histories in some codependent-oriented meetings can cause a commotion. So are there any closed -Anon meetings from which -Anonymous'es are not exactly welcome?
• Not recommended: praying for relief from the fear of financial insolvency.
• If cameras aren't allowed at meetings, how about sketch pads?
• Time matters. Sometimes. Or to some people. Or when you want to exert control, or slither out of doing something.
• Still waiting for someone to open an inpatient program for people with five years' or more sobriety/clean time... (This idea really came from the Void Guy.)
• A recent study found that a full 4% of codependent behavior in the United States is directly attributable to the golden oldie, Hey Paula.
• Every so often, we all need somebody to pull our mattress pads.
• Ever catch yourself staring at the kid in the grocery line ahead of you, carrying a six-pack... and marvelling at his restraint?
• Is there a Water Anonymous, or don't you want to know either?
• What will be the first fellowship to form a Faxline committee?
• Better my mess than your -age.
• Buzzword Prediction: no matter how they try to pitch it, you don't need "counterbalance".

© 62 magazine, October 1991

fake classified ads

These are my favorite fake personal ads I wrote for 62 magazine. Mike P., the publisher, shares the credit/blame. As with the popular fake display ads, the phone numbers and addresses were (duh) fictitious...
 

From Men

My higher power told me that if I am not engaged by Aug. 11 at 6:35 p.m., I will use my drug of choice. I'm not kidding. Age, race not important. Photo to Box 62, Snitrus Heights 96262

Retread, 29, iron pecs, wants aggressive, stern older F not into freedom from bondage to help my spiritual progression through the touchstone of pain. Rawhide, c/o Ipecac Farms Treatment Center, 6262 62nd, Galt 96262.

Devotee of foreign margarine containers seeks same... no, no, just joshing. 555-6262

My 4th step is on NY Times bestseller list (fiction). Seeking business-minded death-glam duchess to coordinate publicity tour. Cardiac blue eyes. B.F., (916) 555-FAKE

Kip Winger 2, abstinent, mundo muscle tone, chain-smoker, great teeth, needs MBA-type woman of color for... Box 6262, SF 96262

You know that wish list you made when you got clean? Well, what are you waiting for? Box 6262, El Centro 96262

Plumbline straight recently DM, 27, most definitely not looking for steady relationship/romance/marriage. Box 6262, Kyburz 96262

Soulful Nordic adventurer seeking Daisy Mae. If you have to ask, I can't explain. 555-FAKE

From Women

"M" is for the many things I do well. "E" is for effulgence, an adjective meaning "radiantly bright". Put them all together, they spell... "me". 555-6262 after 3 a.m.

30-ish nonconforming rebel in recovery. I have learned to get in touch with myself and seek a man who will do the same. Rugged individualists need not apply. O St., Lodi. 555-FAKE

Roommates looking for hunks of few words. We average 25 years old, weight 139, height 67", serum cholesterol 166, library cards 0.7 sum, support groups 2.4, bald tires 1.3, trips outside continental U.S. 4.4, immediate relatives with CDC records 0.4, chronic "frizzies" and/or split ends 5.0, golf handicap 10.3, obnoxious supervisors 3.8. Math skills a plus. PO Box 6262, Loomis, CA

I thrive on danger. Svelte, black/brown (semirigid gas permeable), class 'A' license. No nailbiters. B. Wihdoh, 6262 Narrow Ln., Penryn 96262

New to your planet, 5'10", 210, over 18, blonde/green, excellent night vision. Just returned from chemical tour of near-flung nebulas (inherited tidy sum), looking for patient Surfaris fan (to spend it on/with). Mouthbreathers need not apply. Box 62, Chicago Bar 96262.

Messages / announcements

Boycott all Mud Metropolis locations! Totally innocent trees were killed to make their "to go" cups! Carnage!

Flat Earth Anon Solistice Scramble 6/22, 4:41 a.m. - ?!?, Buttonwillow Convention Center. Tickets/Info: (209) 555-FAKE

It's a blelg, blelg, blelg, blelg world.

Mr. Invertebrate Mammal 1992 nominations now being accepted. RR1 Box 62, Drossland, CA 96262

one one one one one zero.

Gamete to Gamete encounter group forming Friday evenings, Short Sheet Inn, W. Sacto. Inquire for room number at desk.

Sponsee Abuse Hotline: (800) 555-6262. A service of your California Legislature.

Illusion, delusion, collusion, profusion. - Om Baby

Pompous Anonymous regional convention, "Let Me Tell You", has been rescheduled for March 20 - 22 (Pompanon gathering too). Info: 555-6262

Nothing could be finer than Paul McCartney's ATM card.

A little higher and over to the left.

X - Was it something we didn't say? - Anonanonanonymous

Support group for support group addicts has been postponed. Watch for details.

© 62 magazine 1991-1992

In the Sticks

A hawk is circling the lake. Maybe it's a hawk... black body, wings with brown feathers at the ends, about 3-4 foot wingspan. Big, easy circles - making these little wing corrections up or down. Showing off. It looks like a remote-control bird.
When the city is home - all you know - you can forget a place like this exists. Valleys and mountains and 10^6 trees (a rough estimate). Pebbles that look exactly like miniature boulders.
To paraphrase the old saying about your favorite program text: who put this out here?
Maybe, more cynically: how long can it last? Hardcore casual beauty. And they let people in here. Asphalt punks, Alkali rats. I am three years older than this lake, the reservoir's plaque says. But it's holding up fine, despite us.
Places like this used to be pipe dreams - a fantasy retreat to consider heading up to for some serious mood-altering. A fuzzy wish to be here, and not be here. It took too much effort to follow through. Why go this far into the hills when you can not be Here at home?
The biggest difference between now and then, the key factor that drags me out to the sticks this time, is recovering knotheads. They don't improve the scenery any, but they can get your eyes open, lure you into looking where they look. Ray-Bans of the soul.

© 62 magazine, October 1991

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